Guilt can make one feel bad. I know it has me on many occasions.
Yet, when dealing with my child I come back to realizing I am doing the right thing for my child.
My husband would let this child go without learning hard lessons.
What is your child's handicap, special needs or not?
Let's start a point system. Each following yes quetions is worth 5 points. The closer you get to 100 the less handicapped your child is. This to me means the child or youth is better off?
Does your child know how to use the washer and dryer?
Can he vacuum?
Can he heat up a pizza?
Take out the trash?
Can she unload the diswasher?
Clean up the bathroom?
Fold clothes?
Can she do her own laundry?
Help unload the groceries?
Ask for help when she needs it?
Charge his or her cell phone?
Keep up with his wallet/cell phone and other personal items?
Remember family phone numbers to call in an emergency?
Know when and when not to call 911?
Willing to learn new skills?
Learning from parents?
Learn to go beyond their comfort zone?
Can they dust?
Mow the lawn?
Have parents that care that they learn these things?
I have a child with special needs. However the washer dryer question came from a highly college educated child. For the first time this youth was home from college in the summer and his parents were upset with him and told him to do his laundry. With intepredation I heard he called his dad at work, "Dad how do you work the washer and dryer?" He had never done his own laundry. Twenty something and this young man didn't know how to use the washer or dryer.
Guilt is what I felt when I thought my son may not eat tomorrow when I am out volunteering. Then I thought this is ridiculous. I discussed this with my therapist. I can't be tied to my son forever. I can prepare him or let him end up in a substandard group home where they warehouse these kids.
Remember you are a parent not your child's friend. I felt guilt for a bit. My husband would make me try to feel guilt. I decided to ask my son what he wanted to do. He decided he would rather reheat a pizza than call him a pizza.
This may sound like a stupid thing. However, my son's anxiety with autism is not a small deal. His fears cripple him. I have to push him to go beyond himself. Why? Because I want him to be able to have a life.
Handicap is what you are doing if you don't push your child or prepare them. My son has called in a pizza. My husband is a roadblock in some ways. He just dosen't have the heart to tell this child, "No!" Or, to make him go beyond.
My son can't mow the yard. He can't do a lot of things the male figure usually teachers the child. One has to understand that my husband's father was not around for him growing up or his life was very different from mine.
I learned to mow the yard, babysit and do plenty. My father was in the Army; a Seargeant. My father pushed us to grow up.
Parents of special needs children or not. You do your children a dis-service if you do not prepare them for this world. When you start feeling guilty remember you had your child and it is your responsibility to be a parent not a friend.
Do you have to be perfect? No! But, you do have to be a parent.
In golf, some want a high handicap when playing others that are better than them. In real life no one knows what will happen. Prepare your child the best you can.
Make your son do the laundry, carry out the trash and more. You know what your child is capable of and you can push him as far as he can go. But, don't be a Disney, "Feel Good Parent," or shun your parenting because you are afraid.
Step up to the plate and be a parent and don't handicap your child.
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