The Gospel According to Joe Smith

OK, let's keep it simple.

The Tea Party is a grassroots movement that calls awareness to any issue which challenges the security, sovereignty, or domestic tranquility of our beloved nation. That seems to be a bit nebulous to some. So here is an updated Gospel.

Around 2,000 years ago, at the beginning of the Age of Pisces, a man named Jesus of Nazareth was born and declared by three astrologers to be the Christ-Child. Christ is an emblem of the perfect man. Since there is no such thing as the perfect man, the Christ-Child is said to be of divine birth, and born of a virgin. That’s alright. It is an allusion of a goal to seek.

Jesus, the man, of the belief that he was the emblem of the perfect man, went about the land trying to convince people to shoot for perfection. Jesus is said to be the most influential man who ever lived.

But Jesus, bless his heart, made the mistake of entering the Jewish Temple, the seat of authority, and turning over the money changers’ tables, the source of Jewish authority’s wealth. They arrested Jesus. It was against Jewish law to kill him, so they took Jesus before the Roman governor. Pontius Pilate washed his hands of the matter.

The hearing took place on a Jewish holiday. In order to placate the Jews, Roman authority had a policy of releasing a prisoner on this day. Jesus was placed next to Barabbas, a convicted murderer. Jewish authority was permitted to decide which of the two would be released. They chose Barabbas. Jesus received Barabbas’ punishment. He was crucified. That’s authority for you.

It is said that on the third day Christ arose from the dead. It’s a casual reminder that we are here to seek perfection. However, long after Christ’s rising, Constantine, the ruler of the Eastern Roman Empire, gathered the Christian hierarchy together for a meeting, for one thing, to decide whether Jesus was actually Christ, or a representative, the other to make Christianity the official religion of the Eastern Roman Empire. It was decided, naturally, that Jesus was Christ, the one perfect man, of divine birth. It is quite obvious that the purpose was to grant earthly authority. They tell us what we are to believe and not believe. And we repeat over and over what they tell us. They give us symbols—drinking Christ’s blood and breaking bread over the manmade conception that Jesus is Christ. We are born in sin. We must confess our sins in order to receive God’s grace. Who says? Constantine, an ancient Roman ruler. You won’t come to me, so I’ll come to you.

The Age of Pisces is fading, along with the Piscean nature. Pisceans are extremely responsive to others, and more particularly to authority. They mentally absorb what they are told. Pisceans desperately want to do the right thing, but as a rule are weak willed. The symbol for Pisces is two attached fish, one swimming upstream, the other downstream, implying duality of purpose. Pisceans have a hard time making up their minds.

We are moving into the Age of Aquarius. I’m as Aquarian as they come. The key phrase of Aquarians is “I know.” Aquarians say, “don’t fence me in.” They are extremely stubborn in their beliefs. Their ruler is Uranus. They are eccentric. They argue their positions and stir up a lot of opposition. Aquarians despise any snobbery, or hypocrisy. They operate as equals among equals. Friendship is extremely important to Aquarians. They are born under the sign of brotherhood and fraternity. They are the water-bearers.

The United States was born under the sign of Aquarius, on July 4, 1776. We are moving into the Age of Aquarius. The God of tomorrow will be internal, Christ the emblem of perfection we strive to attain. America will return to the land of opportunity, replacing government guarantees, authority reduced to functionary. You can’t stop it. It is written in the stars. Instead of getting left at the switch, my friends, you might as will join us. What say you?

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