Do not tell me that “I know what I did.” I do not. Tell me what my infraction was in

simple, concise manner. I want to please you, but I have difficulties inferring

meaning within a vague statement. For instance, do not say please clean up your

bedroom.Tell me Exactly what you want, such as “Please make your bed and pick up

your toys.”


Please remind me and note the talents I possess. This increases my confidence

and positive self worth. Learning disabled or not, we ALL have talents to contribute

within society. I need you to help me realize what mine is. Believe in me and I will

believe in myself.


Please do not mimic me, ignore me or bully me. Please invite me to play with you. It

hurts when I am excluded. I like to run and jump in the playground, and be invited to

birthday parties too. Grownups can help me make friends by encouraging other

children to play with me. I can be a loyal friend if you get to know me.


I do not like being ordered about any more than the other children. Give me choices

so I know you value my capabilities and opinions. Make them simple and concise.

Present two options or so. I get confused when too many questions or directions are

given at one time due to my processing speed. For instance, ask me if I would like

to wear my blue sweater or green one, rather than asking which sweater I would like

to wear.


I am an individual, just like other children. As my son used to say, “Mom my name

is John (name changed for anonymity) not Aspergers.” A profound statement

would say. :-0)

As a mom that really tries. My therapist says, “I way over compensate for my son!”

(I will share his name but you must see or find it in my post “My get away if” @

Here are my personal ties to these thoughtful Commands of Mari Nosal’s.

I am guilty of this quite a lot. But then again my son has hidden his talents quite well.

Recently I discovered I was right about his reading level or understanding being

much higher. Yet, was until recent a provider put things in to a term or used concrete

adjectives that brought clarity to me. This provider said his anxiety will make him

function at ( I know many do not like these words but they exist and carry a meaning

that is clear. To be clear I hate the words myself because I see that those on the

spectrum are treated this way when they are often smarter than a person assessing

them. I have often been treated this way. I either get real mad or think they are

ignorant and go on. That is harder to do when it deals with a passion of helping

those in society that are the most vulnerable. If not for my son, I would go crawl into

a think tank organization and forget this stuff) M. R level. Because I know my son

and this has been proven again and again, I fail on this in many ways. I struggle with

this where my husband is much better. It is frustrating for my son I know. Why?

Because I have to stop people and slow them down. However, when I do slow

people down and they get I care; they tended to come back to me and forever or a

long time. I could say much more but this is all I will except be patient with these

blessings from God. It is hard mom’s and dad’s I know. I will have to be mindful of

this till the day I die.

I do this and then I don’t. When my son says my parents didn’t are he shouldn’t do something; I do lots of reminding. I tell him I don’t care what he wants to do. I only want to make sure he has a job doing something he likes that he can make enough money at it. I tell him I could spend time doing something else besides a lot of time in him. I told him I don’t because I love him. Parents that care and take parenting serious do this. I tell him God does this for all those he loves and parents do the same. He will say he can’t are those that have special needs more or less shouldn’t have to do this. I quote and make an example of his favorite person on Earth at this moment. His Grandma Mallo! By gracious! She is 85 with one leg shorter than the other and a Club Foot. Special Needs this and that programs? Where were they then? Well for one there was the Shriner’s Hospital’s! Besides that she had to do most things on her own with the grace and help of God. She worked her whole life. She sacrificed for her four children. This shuts up a child that wants to get by using his disability as a crutch. I am the hard one in the parent chain. My husband is the softy. Being on the same page or closer might be better. I try harder and pray about this often. I am thankful to a case manager of sorts Dr. Samuel Oliphant. Before my wreck I had little time to find things like the Oklahoma Autism Network and other. That is why I want to write and inform others. We are missing a complete audience of people still going it alone.

I would say I never excluded Tanner from an activity. If anything I drug him to too

many. Accepting that he isn’t as extroverted as me; by a person I will be grateful to

forever and still seek her guidance from OKAY pointed this out to me. I do not see

this in myself; I mean being outgoing. I can see that my husband is much closer to

Tanner in the social quietness section termed introvert by this person I owe so much.

I have to do more of letting Tanner be Tanner. He doesn’t have to do everything to

be more social. I know he needs to be but he doesn’t enjoy it so stepping back a

bit might be wise.

9. I try to do this with Tanner. But, as a parent, I have to see that I expose and push

him out of the nest. Giving him choices I do. I forget sometimes that he is a teen,

seventeen. He is capable of all that I say but I keep pushing on and on treating him

as if he a child. Then again, my mother still introduces me as her baby. Therefore,

it could be the natural order of things. Should I get down on myself too much or

continue to try to do better?

I wouldn’t say I judge people by their diagnosis at all. If anything I might over

explain them by their diagnosis. Guilty of doing this with my son. My son may

have perceived this or my spouse but I have never been ashamed of my son. I

have felt blessed by him. Tried by patience with him maybe more so because of a

diagnosis but not about him. I only looked for a diagnosis as a launching pad to

look for things to help and do for him or understanding to get ideas for helping.

Perfect I am not but I try. I hope this has been helpful. I love this book because it hits at the heart of help and core of parenthood. Honesty at the core.

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