parenting (11)


18, Graduation soon, but still pushing.
18, Graduation soon, but still pushing.


Pushing Begins in Labor and Continues Through Life

Today is the day after my son turned 18 years old.  Reflecting back, I realize when they told me to push during labor, that was the begining of a continual process.   Whether your child has special needs or is quote "normal," it is a parental job to push children beyond their comfort zone.

Sometimes I have felt guilty for being "General Mommy or Sergeant Mommy;" so nicknamed by dad, my husband Bill.

Bill Adcock husband to Sandra and father of Tanner, now 18.
Bill Adcock husband to Sandra and father of Tanner, now 18.

Tanner was not an easy baby.  He had troubles eating from the start.  He through up and would be considered a colic baby.  Working with doctors and listening to the expereince of my mom(mother of four) resulted in putting rice in each bottle to help decrease the throwing up and weight gain proceeded.

At the age of six months, Tanner landed in the hospital for RSV (Respiratory Syncytial Virus).  Funny now but not at the time my sister recalls that I was not making sense and thought I was kidding when I called her to tell her  You see I was a nervous parent going from the doctor's office straight to the hospital and told her he had RSVP virus.

The hospital stay was almost a week.  It may have been worse for my husband and I to endure than Tanner.  Seeing your child in an oxygen tent and having tests ran in a haze of a short time is traumatic.  Then they tell you to move because you are in the way! Parental rights show up in your eyes resulting in a "Please" being spit out immediately and apoligetically.  He came along fine after about three months of nebulizer treatments, beating on the chest with a suction cup to break up secrestions and being on/off antibiotics.

Tanner was sick off and on quite often.  It seems I can remember all of his early holidays being sick.  My sister, that dresses very professionly all the time, was thrown up on and her car when she took him to the doctor for me right before his first Christmas.  That was one of the first holidays he was sick on.

Tanner weighted 17 pounds at one year old. Both my husband I worried about him.  He didn't or wouldn't eat well sometimes.  He stayed on his formula until he was about two years old or a bit older.  He refused milk.

At thirteen months if was obvious we were dealing with more than one could understand. My husband moved a toy or his cup about an inch or two.  He came back running to move it back to the exact position.  I new then and along with some other things observed there was something "wrong" or not quite right.

I am telling you all this for a reason.  This made it hard to make hard choices when he was older.  Worring about his health and weight gain, we let him start eating an unhealthy diet.  This wasn't at the time but it developed into a stance later on.  This also made being hard on him extremely trying.

Thus, began the parental divide on how to parent.  How do you face the something "wrong" or not normal along with health concerns?  I realized that at a certain point I couldn't go the path of least reistance.  Everyone had advise but I read while seaching for the reasons.  Family said not to worry and my husband appeard to me to like "denial."

Then and there I decided a proactive approach was best.  I proceeded to get Tanner into Preschool at age three.  I pushed for extra therapies like, speech and music.  I enrolled him in Kindermusic because of the benefits I had read about music in special needs and other areas of life.  One of his first sentences he said was sung back to me.   On our way to music class I sung to him, "Now it is time for music, music, music."  He was restless and sung back, "Now it's time for Grandma's, Grandma's!"  I was proud.  He had talked some but not like that.

The school said to make picture books and have him say what the picture was.  I made a jillion picture books.  Tanner would have to say his ABC's as I wrote them in the dirt at the park before he could swing.  Later he would have to write them.

I made 26 pages of huge ABC's on letter size paper.  Sensory issues were present and I read about trying differnt tactile approaches.  I cut out Sandpaper ABC's.  I found the experts that I thought could help me with advancing my son's chances of a better life.  I used the program "Handwriting Without Tears," to help him with writing.  This was on top of what the school was doing for him and the extra therapies I could afford like Speech and Occupational Therapy.

Do you see the pushing going on?  This continues for 18 years.  Tanner has autism so pushing can be a delicate balance.  I have him volunteering to gain job skills.  Do or did I feel guilty for being "A hard A$$?"  Sometimes!

Yet, let us ask the questions of what might have happened if I had given up?  Believed those provider's that were foolish to advise me to put my son in an institution?  Gone the path of least reisistance?  I doubt my son would be where he is today.   This has meant many battles in my marriage and in parenting my son with my husband.

Sometimes those with autism have problems with hygeine.  Tanner doesn't like his hair cut or wash it well all the time either.  I have wrestled with this for years. His counselor said to do one thing and my therapist disagrees.

This means another "Big PUSH" to help him into adulthood.  The ultimatum will be to keep his hair clean with two warnings, with the third resulting in a BUZZ CUT!  I have said this before.  Yes, I am human.  I don't follow through on everything. Parenting cam be DEMANDING.  Fights on how to parent wear you out.  However, this time I have the resolve to do it.

Thus, remember from the start of labor and delivery of your child when they tell you to "PUSH" it means for life not only during birth!

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A child with autism, a mother of age and life in general can be enough to mke one pause. Throw a car wreck in that leaves you disabled but able to do somethings without enough to go back to work; leaves you in a real pickle.

The general explantion of situation will be the hands of time. on the clock piece.  I want yout to get the analogy of this Clockmaster situation.

I will have to go back to my childhood.  Growing up I thought my parents were not the best.  We were not the poorest and not the richest.  All of us kids had to work.  Our house was a little less than nice until our parents had the money to do it.  My mother had to work to make ends meet.  This doesn't say I never lacked for love or didn't love my parents.

My best friend was in the same boat.  Sometimes embarressed to have friends over for having holes in the carpet. Let me make this clear; we were maybe lower middle class that grew into upper middle class.  Our parents busted their backs and _______ to make sure we (my older sister and two older brothers) had it much easier than they did.  Thus, we all learned the value of money and how to work for what extra's we wanted and needed.

Even though my parents were not rich they managed to take us on a vacation every summer. This meant seeing the Grand Canyon, Yellowstone and much much more.  We camped and made sandwiches instead of hotels and restaurants.  Our parents, George Tanner and Dorothy Louise Mallo even made games out of things. They spent plenty of time of which most was quality time.

Here is where it gets better.  When we grew into the upper wealth classes, our parents gave us more.  They bought us our first car, abiet used but we didn't care.  They even bought gas and paid for insurance during the year. They had us groomed for college.        Heck we never knew we had a choice of not going.

Looking back they taught us how to be parents.  Did they make mistakes?  A few.  People are not perfect.  However, I doubt you could find two people that tried harder to do their best at raising children.  One thing my father told me that raising us was one of the parts of his life.  I understand this now that I have a child. He confessed it was hard along with on of the scariest times in his life too.

My bothers and sisters were older than me.  In some respects I was a bit like an only child.  This may sound odd but my Dad actually bought me a HOT HOT ROD.  The car was a 70 Torino. It had a 302 engine with a Holly 4 barrel, a racing kam, spagetti side pipes, Kreger Mags and much more.  My brother came back from being in the Navy for a visit and couldn't believe it.

I asked my Dad why he bought this for me.  He replied that this would give me something to talk to the boys about.  He said I would be less likely to end up in the back seat or get pregnant.  I thought about it thinking how sneaking wise my Dad had been.  He did pretty well for a man that lost his Dad at age ten and mother at seventeen.

Now talk about mom. Boy did she have a few tricks up her sleeves. She told us that we could keep whatever money we found during cleanup chores.  She left money around, about what we should earn for an allowance, directing age appropriate tasks to where the money had been placed.  She knew how well we had cleaned by how much money was or wasn't left.

Now for curfew and resrtiction violations.  My sister told me that when we had grown up trying to sneak in mom had placed three litter coke bottles in our path to wake her up so she could check the time.  Then in the morning she would confront us about what time we came in and see if we told the truth.  Mom had a few other tricks up her sleeve.

I am backing up but have to tell you of a travel came passed to us from my Aunt Gladys on the Mallo side.  We called it Zip Zip.  Basically, you played to get all the horses you could.  If you saw a horse you said Zip.  If you saw a group...Zip Zip before others got the group. A white horse counted as two.  If you zipped a cow, donkey, pig or other animal you all your horses.  To get all the other teams horses when you came to a cementary you called Slopsky.  My dad had an unfair advantage as he had travled more and knew where the cementaries were.

Needless to say, being the youngest, I did plenty of wrong Zip Ziping.  Being picked last in your own family is unpleasant.  Mom and Dad came to my rescue often.  Thus, parents feel the pain of all their children and act accordingly to sooth over it. Yet, there were plenty of times my parents made me suffer the pain of growing up.  Why? To prepare me for the what was to come as an adult.

A funny story about the Zip Zip came and a legend in our family.  I kept asking "Is that a horse. Is that a horse?"  My Dad and Mom couldn't believe their eyes.  Dad pulled over and sure enough it was a Mountain Lion chained to the bumper of a station wagon.  That was in the sixties, about 65 or 66.  The owner worked construction.  All of kids got to pet it.  That wouldn't happen in today's society.  However, I wasn't the cause of loosing horses to the other team that day.

Are you getting the feel for family time spent together?  My mom was the glue that held us together.  My dad was a Seargeant and the hard driving force behind making us do. Mom was the soft approach. Both are needed to balance out the other.  God blessing's come in two parent's in a family. One gets relief when worn out on the job and the children get a breather from the hard driving parent. Blessings come from God knowing what we need at each time and stage of life.

Okay, I blended some of the early 1 and 2 O'clock periods of life in the hands of time together.  Please forgive me while I am trying to tell you all about how this goes together.

3 and 4 O'clock come after highschool during college while getting my BS in Pharmacy.  Growing up occured quite a lot during this time.  I worked every weekend and kept grades up.  Graduation came and after a year I bought my own house. Dad was pro mom was con.  During college my friends that didn't go to college got married.  I had proposals but not out of real love. Dad kept me grounded and mom provided emotional support.

These periods helped me define my needs, wants and desires.  I have to admit I lacked in setting boundaries.  Please if you have this issue get some help or read some books on this situation before burn out and explode.

5 and 6 post college.  Graduation was long waited for but never did I as many realize that college would be looked back on as one of the best times in life.  God guides you all of your life and prepares you for each step to come.  Even when you stray you learn.

Started dating husband or future at that time.  We dated nine years before we married.  It is about this time that my relationship with my mom started to breakdown a little.  Mom was so noisy about what when where and how I was doing it seemed she never gave me a breather.  There is more but it is petty. She didn't know she was doing this.  You see she was still learning how to be a mother to an adult child.  Never the less taking some communication classes never hurt.

This goes back to boundaries.  You don't owe people explantions.  Proverbs 29:11 KJV

11 A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.

This goes against tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Thus, wisdom must be sought and learned.  Reading the Bible and askng God for help is a great way.  Here is where I owe my mom for exposing me to Christian teachings early in life.

7 O'clock. Marriage is an adjustment no matter what you think. Children even more.  Then if you have a child with special needs, special abilities and is a blessing that teaches you many things.  I thought I was prepared for a child. I was an older mom. We waited until we had been married over a year.  We were money okay.  Both of us were Christians.  I don't want to go into all the challenges but just say it hit us hard in our marriage. Frustrations was at the base of the blame game.  This took a hit on our marriage.

However, these things made us stronger.  If you want to do yourself a favor, quit doubting your parenting so much.  Mistakes will be made.  As long as you try and earnestly want to do your best, ask God for help; I'm sure all is okay.  Another big favor you can do is buy the book by Wanda Draper, "Your Child Is Smarter Than Think!"  She reasures parents that they are fine and their children are not stupid.  It helped me and I know God hooked me up with the information. Trust me I asked for her information at an appointment and I got her cell phone number.  Wanda is an internationally known child developmental specialist. She writes on a level that all can understand but gives great common sense advise.  Spectacular book.

I promise you I can't go into all the situations that rule out chance that God is acting in my life.  He is the Clock Master of time in your life in mine.  If you trust him he will guide you.  He gave me the parents I needed and now I know he gave my son the two parents he needed and it is a blessing.   My husband counters my harshness learned from being brought up military. I will not apoligize for being a pusher. My son wouldn't be this far along if I handn't pushed. However, Bill, my husband is a blessing of a counter weight to even out my rought edges.

8 O'clock. I panic about having my son prepared for life. He is an only child and being special needs; I don't want him lost after we his parents die.   There is no real close relatives to be his guardian if needed.  Therefore, I want him to be as functional as possible.

Well, my idea was to contact the historical socity and see if there was a fit for a volunteer position.  I thought there would be less stress on social interaction on one side and then on giving tours more social interaction.  Long story of how I thought it would fit but now know God directed.  He will start out scanning and work up to digitization. Some have worked this into a job.  They have worked with autistics before.

My son interviewd with one person, the head of volunteers, and then when the person came down man came down that my son would be working with or under; I overheard one tell the other my son "has appropriate conversation skills!"  Made my day.  I knew then that I need to refresh my relationship with God, The Clockmaster of time.  God has a plan and reason for all that happens.

     Proverbs 16:9

     New King James Version (NKJV)

     9 A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.

The rest of time is still going on.  I hope you see how parents, mom's and dad's impact you on mothering on Mother's Day.  Hoping you have gleaned some insight from my post that I have learned in life.

One thing I do not want you to do is pity me for having an autistic or special needs child.  He has heaped too many blessings on my life to regret having him.  He teaches me to enjoy life and relax.  Better yet he has helped me to understand myself and enjoy life.

Happy Mother's day. Don't forget step parents when step should not be in the word of parent.  A mother is not just one that gives birth. A mother is one that takes a child through life and the teachings of all steps of life.  I prefer to say in the Christian manner but understand if you disagree.  I will uphold your right to believe as you want.  But, never forget the impact your parents have in your life and be grateful for it.

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Breastfeeding Campaign Posters Stir Online Debate

“Private dining. Would you eat here?” asks the text of one of poster, which features a photo of a young mother breastfeeding her infant while perched on the lid of a public toilet. Two other images in the series, of different mom-baby pairs, ask, “Bon appétit. Would you eat here?” and “Table for two. Would you eat here?” The campaign, called “When Nurture Calls,” is the work of University of North Texas graphic-art majors Johnathan Wenske and Kris Haro, both juniors. They decided to take on the polarizing issue of public breastfeeding for an assignment that required students to design a campaign for a social issue or product, as if it were being created for actual paying clients.

This is one of those recurring social debates and issues that seem to pop up quite frequently in one form or another. As a male it’s a bit of a delicate topic to openly muse about. But rarely have I seen the true issue at the heart of this debate addressed and perhaps it’s time that someone does.

Let’s be completely honest for a minute if we can. The simple truth is that if you have a your tank top pulled down to your waist and you are nursing a 1 1/2 year old while in the check out line at Wal-Mart chances are you are going to get some disapproving stares. If you do that enough places and enough times, someone may gather enough nerve to say something to you about it as embarrassing and upsetting as that may be for you. Tact and consideration for others while one is in public is part and parcel of being a full member of a respectful community and society.

The truth is that this is less about breastfeeding in public, though that is the topic label this movement is hiding behind, but about whether a woman should cover up, be discreet, seek privacy, or take into account the general shopping or dining public while doing so or just half disrobe whenever or wherever as the mood strikes or a hungry infant demands. As with many “controversies of the day,” it’s probably less about what one is doing than about how one is going about it doing it and the attitude of inconsiderate entitlement behind it. I have absolutely no proof to support this particular hunch, but one has to wonder if this current crop of activists is the same people who bared their midriffs and were parading their tramp stamps and belly button rings around for all to see in public just a few years ago. Perhaps they have just carried that same attitude, sense of borderline exhibitionism, and disrespect for others into the Lactivist motherhood realm.

Now I’ve seen some very inappropriate incidents on occasion where a woman was making a big scene and almost purposefully baring all and showing off in a very public place, and yet my wife breastfed our three daughters appropriately and we never had any issues with anyone, anywhere. It’s the ones who don’t know or don’t care enough to not make a scene that seem to provoke these types of controversies. One should not be overly surprised that they are occasionally called out for doing it.

If your attitude is that you can just whip your boob out whenever and wherever you want because you happen to have an infant in the general vicinity instead of perhaps using a bit more discretion or taking a couple of minutes out of your day to find a more secluded and less trafficked public space (or completely private area for that matter), then you probably deserve to be called out for your attitude and behavior by others once in a while. In fact, I encourage other women to help guide and steer these young women in the proper protocols of how to behave and act in public around others. It’s just not something a member of the male gender can do, so we have to leave it up to you. And we thank you when you do.

As we all should know, if you conduct yourself with decorum and respect for others nine times out of ten you will be respected and honored in return. The world is not a perfect place and, indeed, people can be jerks no matter how one may responsibly acts on occasion. But overall people will more positively react to you if you are not throwing attitude or defiance in their direction. The old adage of ‘treat people how you want to be treated’ is still a wise one and it wouldn’t hurt to apply it to this topic as well.

Common decency and respect for other is really not that hard of a thing to accomplish. One can still nurse and be modest. I see it being put into practice all the time so I know it can be done. Be discreet, cover up, and simply don’t put on a show or make a big deal about what you are doing and half the people in the vicinity won’t even notice and the other half won’t care. I’ve seen the extremes when it comes to breastfeeding in public and on at least two occasions both my wife and I were fairly appalled by the out of hand breastfeeding circus being played out in public.

In one instance, I was actually kind of angered that nobody had the nerve to say something to a particular mother who simply had no concept (or didn’t care) about the most basic measures of public decency. It was that out of hand. Just because you ‘have the right’ to do something doesn’t mean that right should not be exercised in a wise and discerning manner. Babies routinely go 2-3 hours between feedings. Why there is this sudden need to play out this all out sitting at the front bench at the entrance to Wal-Mart so you can glare at all those who dare a glance in your direction with less than affirming looks is beyond me. And there is certainly no need to be popping your nipple in and out of your toddler’s mouth every twenty seconds in the play place at McDonalds as your kid alternates between playing and two second refreshment refills from mom. I mean really, no one wants to see that. Feeding an infant should be a bonding and intimate moment between a mother and her baby, not a spectator sport.

Every time you hear about these terrible people bashing some poor mother who was merely trying to give her hungry child his mommy meal, look for the details or lack thereof in the story before you pass judgment. Was the mother being discrete and not causing a scene, or was she flaunting the act and being completely callous towards the sensibilities of others? I suspect that the source of many of these incidents is not the breastfeeding act itself, but the way it was being carried out. Those are two very different things. If you are harassing some young mother because she’d engaged in that particular act just because she’s doing it is one thing. Having to rein in a mother proudly displaying her goods in front of dozens of shoppers and the general public without any attempt at modesty or how it may affect others is quite another. If one is unable to comprehend the difference between the two you should probably not be engaged in this debate in the first place.

If you are one of these mothers who take pleasure in the ‘shock factor’ of flaunting, exposing, and just being generally obnoxious while breastfeeding in public, shame on you. It is because of you that there may be an increasingly hostile view towards all those who breastfeed in public. A few bad apples can ruin it for everyone so don’t be part of the problem, be part of the solution. While writing this article I solicited and received feedback from a number of my female friends who had breastfed their babies. Some noted that they have noticed a degree of increasing intolerance for public breastfeeding in general, but then went on to blame the aggressive, in your face breastfeeding crowd for provoking a possible backlash in public opinion. It is ironic that those who claim to be these great champions of person freedom in public are in fact undermining the very cause they supposedly espouse and are making it harder, more difficult, and uncomfortable for the average mom to attend to her infant. Don’t be that person who ruins it for everyone else. Remember, breastfeeding is best for babies and we’re all for it. We just don’t need to be invited to the show.

Just because you are a mother doesn’t make you suddenly completely above reproach or exempt from a general consensus of what is publicly acceptable behavior. At the same time, we should all give mothers the appropriate space and respect when they are attending to their infants needs and do what we can to accommodate them and make them feel comfortable. Both as individuals and collectively as a society. There is no greater title for a woman than wife and mother, and fulfilling the role of mother to very young children is not an easy one. Give them a little slack and room, both in public and private, and it will be greatly appreciated by all involved.

To sum this all up in easy to understand terms, basically nobody really cares if you breastfeed in public if you simply can’t wait or it is necessary. Just cover those puppies up and you’ll probably not hear a peep from anyone. Be respectful of others around you and they’ll be respectful to you and we’ll all be able to get past this manufactured controversy with our dignity intact and another generation of well fed and happy baby humans to show for it.

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U did it!
U did it!

This is a work in progress about autism.  The perspective is from the real world view.

I want to hear from you what should go into a book from a real world perspective.

Also, I would appreciate letting me interview you.  I know you may think you are not a professional.

However, you may know more than you think.  Have you ever gotten rotten advice from professional

experts?   I am not here to bash all experts.  Yet, I want to hear from the people on the frontlines that

may often be overlooked.  By doing this, I feel we can have a better understanding that some fail to do so

by leaving stones unturned.

I need to let my readers know I might be changing my working business name to ARM, Autism

Resource Management.  Tell me what you think.  You may leave comments here or on my facebook page


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Ultimate N Autism!




Ah in autism,                                                                                                                                                                                       Ultimate expression,                                                                                                                                                                                  Whether being an Einstein physicist,                                                                                                                                                             Or equisite artist in self mode reflection!

Autism modes                                                                                                                                                                                                 have different codes!                                                                                                                                                                                     It can be art                                                                                                                                                                                                Or poet!

Most just don't get                                                                                                                                                                                         Or havea key!                                                                                                                                                                                       Uproar n plenty,                                                                                                                                                                                 Because of low affinity.

Most ignore                                                                                                                                                                                           Natures beauty                                                                                                                                                                                             unless in their preferred                                                                                                                                                                     Absolute form!

Open your eyes.                                                                                                                                                                                   Blessed thy                                                                                                                                                                                                   Will be                                                                                                                                                                                                         1000 fold from autism.

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4063836722?profile=originalPlease do not be put off by the poetry.  I put this in as a thought provoking exercise. Explore all the things that might affect autism.  Then after you read the poem go to the NIH Sites and get free publications that explain all the poem touches on. Autism, like cancer, has so many threads and variables it is impossible to find one specific cause.  That is why we must explore all threads.


Autism? Simple answers? No! Here is
Sandra’s try at an explanation.

Autism has good graces.
Visit upon us to bless upon.

Doesn’t mean one shouldn’t ask,
“Why? What? When? Where and how?”

God could have intended
You being intentioned in the unhinging of the process.

Vaccination’s that is the key!
Say many with adamation!

I agree for them it could be,
A factor, insult that hit on.

Pharmacist in me says, the study was too small to make it a hallmark.
Flip the coin, drug makers threw around money, plus shouted out!!

Next, a group says environment
Causes problems no doubt.

Environmental insult.
Yep, that is why my child is shut into autism.

Remember here, environmental can be
From chemicals & diseases stalking inside to make their stand.

From, things like maybe Grandpa’s Agent Orange,
To a baby’s hospital stay due to RSV!

May yet wave
The Genetics Flag.

Throw into this mix, I will; smaller families, often an only child
That insists to be totally plugged into away from others.

Oh, how simple it would be
One answer, if could only twas or could be.

Yet, still I want to pose
Older parents, sperms and eggs as a contribution variable.

Not a reason not to conceive!
But to be aware more defects, mutations with age do occur.

Can one really say,
One cause is for autism?

Look at cancer! Common threads
There, still many different scenarios.

Genetics predispose, environmental assaults,
Turns on gene with a society that is ripe in culture and age of parents?

Yet, it matters!
No, it doesn’t matter!

Sound so crazy?
Yes, to help. No because we love and deal with it no matter what!

We learn what can and must be done.
But better realize the blame game must stop.

One answer might be cause in 1% of cases ( just me thinking),
Reality is autism is complex.

Complex, autism really is!
Yet, then is simple too.

Reaching out is what I want to do.
Remember right answers lead to correct therapy n treatments!

Wrong guesses and blame may only
Lead to burying data and wrong wizardly haphazard disasters.

Science, true keeps an open mind!
God is the first and Ultimate Scientist.

Together are we able
To do and can do n be our best.

In some ways the riddle of autism
Is not to be solved!

God means us to be
Who we are as he made us!

Change is something
All of us must do.

Adapting to you and others
Is being kind.

Let us not get behind
Stay in the forefront.

Doing out best to unlock the riddle
As much in prayer; God intends us to do!

I am sure by helping
We learn God’s lessons.

Helping those with autism
I bet could be a society improvement, God intends us to do.

No answer complete do I have;
Except my son is a blessing some may say in disguise!
God we will accept your answers.
Thank you God! Amen!


This post will not be long.  First, let me give you this site url in case you choose to read no futher.  You can wander around and see what is important to you.

This site is marvelous at giving basic information on autism.  There is a free "Parent's Guide to Autism Spectrum Disorder's."

On the site you will find headings listed below;

  • What is Autism Spectrum Disorder?
  • Causes
  • Signs and Symptoms
  • Who is At Risk
  • Diagnosis
  • Treatments
  • Living With
  • Clinical Trials

There are more publications, plus they are available in spanish.  

I hope this is helpful; my goal is to inform with correct information.  There is so much misinformation out there.

4063836758?profile=originalGo Check out the government information     

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Honoring my mother here will help you with some original parenting tips; I promise.  Do you have an extremely difficult time getting your children from young ages to teens to do work around the house?  Have to justify to the younger ones why the older one's get more money?

My mother's system is full prove.  Mom gave us age appropriate tasks.  Here comes the trick.  Tell the kids, "Any money you find you can keep!"  This system serves as a tracking and monitoring system.  If your memory is lacking; write down where, how much money and the task assigned to each child.  If all the money is gone, then the child should have cleaned well.  You have to hide it good enough to get the results you want.  Design the task so it is fair for the child's ability.  We were motivated to do the chores for what ended up to be our allowance. Mom is quite an inventive lady.

Mom's of teens that are driving and have a curfewcurfew; want to know what time they come up but not sit up and wait on them?  Are you a light sleeper or at least you can wake up if a pop bottle is kicked over?Tricky mom used to put out two to three litter bottles of cokes right in the walking pathway of coming in the door.  You would have to kick them over in the dark.  The noise would wake mom up so she could look at the clock and deal with you the next morning.  You can bet she did deal with us if it was after curfew when we snuck in under cover of dark instead of on time turning the lights on.

Want a car game that everybody can play, even the driver?  This game is obscure in origins.  We grew up on it as we traveled all over the US and Canada.  Zip-Zip is what we called it.  The idea was to get as many horses as one could.  If you said zip-zip,it was a group of horses and you were first then those horses were yours.  A white horse counted as two.  If you ziped a cow you lost all your horses.  This may seem weird but wheever anybody saw a cementary the first to call out slppsky got everybody's horses.  You can divide the teams into front seat and back seat or boy's against the girls.  Better yet think of some way you want to divide teams your way.  It is competitive and funny.

I was the youngest in the family.  Often nobody wanted me to be on their team.  You guessed it; I zipped a lot of cows being eager to win.  One time I saw a mountain lion chained lying underneath a car.  Learning my lessons, I screamed, "Is that horse? Is that a horse daddy?"

My dad couldn't believe his eyes.  We stopped and talked with the owner.  I even got to pet it that day.  I have to admit that is a strange event.  I had never seen a mountain lion but I didn't loose my horses that day

Did you like my "Hand Me Down Tips From My Mom?"  I may make this an event giving more of her secrets.  Then again I might want to keep her wisdom to myself.  Lots of great stuff from my mom!

This can be seen on my blogs too but was posted here on Bloggy Mom's first!

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Are you the Asshole Marie describes in her book?  The type of person that makes raising a child with blindness, autism, both, other disability and/or multiple disabilities worse?  "I am just writing truths and opinions about my life, my own experience , and my own feelings concerning caring for my own son." States Marie Duke in Autism and Assholes the book she wrote.

While the title seemed extreme to me at first; after reading the book I agree the title fits her walk in the realm of disability child rearing/raising. A reader that wants to read a story on heroism, is a newbie parent to the realm of disability child rearing and people involved in providing services to children with disabilities might want to consider this to be put on the top of their reading list.

I haven't excused the general public yet.  People that want a peek to see what it is on the inside of this world should read it before they stick their nose in other's business.    "You should put him in a home," is a sentence Marie heard.  I also as a mother of a child with autism heard this very same sentence spoken to me be by experts.

One child developmental specialist Wanda Draper, that has a redo of her book, "Your Child is Smarter Than You Think," was the only one to say anything about the importance of the parents.  She remains positive about the children.

Autism and Assholes is $11.99 in paper pack at Amazon and the Kindle is $6.99.   The ISBN is 149215887 and the ASIN is BOOEKRNW7.

I consider this a must read to gain insight into how little people understand the real world of disabilities.  How dare some tell us to put our children in a home so early in life.  This proved to be wrong for Marie and me.

A heart wrenching story that will give you the understanding she deserves.  You may take offense at the title but after reading it, I promise you will want to call her up and offer a heartfelt apology.

This isn't the normal book review.  I don't want to take away from the story.  I mainly wanted to explain and tell you why to read the book.  Marie in my opinion was too nice to the people that provided services to her son.


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A Miscarriage of Justice Times Two

What can this mean you ask?

I will take you to task.

You see a miscarriage I had.

Of justice times two is bad.


Hidden away nice and neat,

In my cerebral cortex.

Filed and organized,

No emotion, was I going to show.


Robot-like logic has offered,

Much comfort and protected

Or, so I thought.

Never knew what prickly thorns I had grown.


Around the year of 98,

Cramping bloody murder;

Went to the clinic,

My memory is like a drunk of slurry words.


Either two weeks pregnant!

Could’ve been two weeks late!

Meaning maybe 4 weeks pregnant.

Basically boiling down to between 2 to 6 weeks pregnant.


Never knew.

Had a clue,

Pregnant, I was,

Or, could have been.


You see a mother of a 15 month old,

Working, pursuing a Master’s,

Doing all the housework,

Driving, caring for one with autism, and other family.


Worn out!

Sworn to get out!

Walked day to day,

Cold robot fashion.


Then to find out,
Lost a child,

One of her greatest wants!

From God, almost completely she turned.


A living being,

I had done nothing so wrong.

Told not a soul.

But mad as hell.


Good reason not to tell.

A husband, ass at the time.

Grown up some since,

Quite a bit, actually.


Deny me if you must,

A boy it was.

Parker Nelson, heaven’s my next step.

Short time we had, but we’ll catch up.


Parker Nelson Adcock,

now I understand.

Like your brother still to meet,

Taught me lots of things in life you have.


God forgive my anger.

Let us put it up on hangers.

Learn our lessons,

Turned to blessings.


A miscarriage of justice times two.

God now bends to win.

The devil’s evil is

Sent straight to hell.


Finally , the message!

God walks and is

With you all the ways

And days through you with love.

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Free parents to promote and allow their children an education; it’s their future.


By Oscar Y. Harward


Liberals, Progressives, Socialists, and Democrats continue to ‘force’ parents to continue to pay their taxes, and also send their children to ‘public schools’.  As an alternative to the ‘public schools’, the taxpayers are forced to pay additional costs for offering any alternative education for their children.


All legislators should and could release parents across America from a Socialistic ‘public education’ and allow parents to determine the ‘very best education’ for their children as may be attained.  It is merely a change of the states’ statues on ‘taxes and education’ within their respective domains.


Our “public schools”, led by our US Department of Education has, and continues to subsidize, champion, sponsor, lecture, and sustain more ‘Liberal’ social ideals; ideals contrary to our Constitutional ‘Christian’ values.


It is important for political leaders, our citizens, and the ‘main-stream’ Medias to recognize that our ‘public education’ ‘results’ continue downhill, as compared to other forms of education for our children, and other nations around the world.


It is in the best interest of the  children’s ‘parents’ and the ‘taxpayers’ for our children to be offered the ‘best education available’ for our communities, whether it be in ‘public schools’, private schools, charter schools, parochial schools, or home schools.  ‘All schools’ must meet ‘common test requirements’ in proving each child’s ‘instructional progress’ in their learning.


As Canadian-American journalist, author, and political philosopher, Isabel Paterson said, "A tax supported, compulsory educational system is the complete model of the totalitarian state."  Most states’ ‘public education’ has been a ‘compulsory educational system’ for years.  As any alternative to ‘public education’, the parents are forced to continue paying their taxes, then pay additional enormous costs for other ‘replacement’ education.


Competing to deliver the ‘very best education’ intended for (y)our children will require all ‘effective’ schools to get better and stronger.


Set our parents ‘free’ so as to promote and allow their children to ascertain a valuable, dynamic, healthy, and prosperous education; it is all about their future.

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By Oscar Y. Harward


Shame on you, Boy Scouts of America's National Council as ‘you’ disgrace yourselves with your action, and in doing so to ‘improperly’ teach ‘immorally’ to our young children.


America’s ‘morality’ was just down-graded by the Boy Scouts of America's National Council as they voted to allow and/or accept ‘homosexuality is OK’ in the Boy Scouts.  This vote by the Boy Scouts of America's National Council indicates these leaders’ own personal reservation ‘honor’ teachings are expected to be decency responsibilities to our children; teachings the children have learned in their Houses of Worship and in their own homes from our Holy Bible that homosexuality is not OK.


Yes, shame on you, Boy Scouts of America's National Council.  With your acceptance of supporting homosexuality in the Boy Scouts of America, you are a disgrace to our younger generation(s).

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