Harlequin Novel, 2011 Version

Dear Friends,

I was sure my computer was going to crash any second, but surely it would smoke no later than reaching the end of this brilliantly titillating piece. Thoughts of somehow having intercepted the latest of the “Weiner” tapes went through my mind, or possibly the LasVegas pressure cooker. Well, I’ll refrain from saying more – but you must promise me you’ll go all the way, to the end that is! And I promise that you will not regret it, when you get there, and we will still be Friends! I wish I could take credit, instead it merely goes to show you that I have good Friends who are also nuts. I like it that way.

Semper Fi

(Note: don't skip the lines as you progress)





He grasped me firmly, but gently, just above my elbow and

guided me into a room, his room.  Then he quietly shut the

door and we were alone.  He approached me soundlessly, from

behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my





"Just relax."





Without warning, he reached down and I felt his strong,

calloused hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and

moving upward along my calves, slowly but steadily. My

breath caught in my throat.




I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care.  His

touch was so experienced, so sure.  When his hands moved up

onto my thighs, I gave a slight shudder, and partly closed

my eyes.  My pulse was pounding.




I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my  ribcage.

And then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands, I

inhaled sharply.




Probing, searching,

knowing what he wanted, he brought his hands to my shoulders,

slid them down my tingling spine and into my panties.




Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly

trusting and expectant. This is a man, I thought.  A man

used to taking charge.  A man not used to taking 'No' for an

answer.  A man who would tell me what he wanted. 

A man who would look into my soul and say . . .


(keep going)  










"Okay ma'am, you can board your flight now."

Maybe we shouldn’t complain – this might after all be the last thrill grandma can ever hope to get.



Now that you have taken your cold showers and returned from never land, here is my take on this ingenious little piece of ecstasy - the fact is that these groping sessions are exacted upon us, the American citizen, a free people, from infant to senior Viagra, and all because we have been misled into believing that dealing with a terrorist by looking for the Fox in the chicken coop is somehow compromising our freedom - what freedom? The freedom we are protecting!?

I am publishing this piece without fear of retribution, for it is as powerful a statement as one can make in exposing the hypocrisy that rules the day - dictated behavior in a free society, void of all common sense, and ordered by the State!

There is nothing wrong with either the language nor the substance of this satire. It is a clean and straight forward statement of factual behavior when ruled by legalisms and the State, and a perfect example of Common Sense, or the lack thereof (you are fortunate to have it and smart to know when you don’t - and the State has neither), but it wants to teach our fourth graders about sex (I am sure you remember how that worked out when the State started teaching your kids about their rights - my two beautiful boys turned into little jerks, before we managed to return them back to normal) - I’d say this passes the test.

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