Hurricane Season

Daily Devotions With Barry Leviticus


Well it looks like another hurricane season is upon us. Even as I sit here typing this, or I should say as the Lord is typing through me with his most holy typing skills, hurricane after hurricane is blitzing it’s way through the Gulf of Mexico. To many this is a scary proposition, but to the saved it is a time of celebration, because as we all know God uses hurricanes to punish the wicked, and by wicked of course I'm speaking of homosexuals and Moabites. God's punishment is only scary to the sinful; to God's chosen; it is dinner and a movie.

I have to say that I celebrate hurricane season with as much Christian enthusiasm as I do Christmas or Easter or NRA pledge month, you know God's anointed holidays. Every year me and my wife Sara Rebekah Mary Leviticus and my wonderful children Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego sit around the ice-cream maker singing hurricane carols:

Hark! The Herald Angels sing

Queers will die this morning. You will fry in hell tonight

Cause God hates all you sodomites.

Then we go outside and hunt for the chocolate heterosexuals that Jesus left in the night.

Pray with me now.

Oh Most Holy God.

Ye who shows the sinful the error of his ways,

even if the showing has no direct cause and effect relationship.

Teach us all how to be better heterosexuals.

And bless those heterosexual loins with thy loving hand.

amen.

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